A whistle-blower at the DOJ approached us with some information about our own Representative Nate Moran. It seems that classified documents were found in his East Texas home next to a small effigy of Louie Gohmert. The documents and effigy were just out on the kitchen counter seemingly the catchall place that we all have in our homes. You know the one. We all have that place that just collects the detritus of life.
When we approached Nate Moran and asked him about the classified documents he ran. After chasing him down and after many heavy questions to the face he finally admitted that he just wanted to vacation at The Bohemian Grove and that the documents were part of the admission process.
After some more heavy questioning, he faked passing out sighting the intensity of the questioning and low blood sugar. One of our staff went to go get him a Snickers only to return to find a ring of salt with burn marks in it and a post-it with the words "Comonman!". Rep Nate Moran was later spotted enjoying a chicken sandwich from Chick-fil-A.