What is my greatest fear? My greatest fear is being in a cave or tube underwater that feeling of drowning with no escape. My next biggest is big fake heads like the Micky Mouse from Disney World. Man I could tell you stories about this weird phobia. My next greatest fear is one that always skits on the edge of my life, threatening to be come a reality. I fear becoming an old cranky grumpy man. I'm fine with becoming an old man. I am terrified of becoming someone that makes the lives of his loved ones uncomfortable with a negative attitude. I would hate one day to look in the mirror and see that my default face is a furled brow and a disapproving or disgusted frown. I would hate to be so selfish as to think everything an inconvenience or to simply live to be left alone and in that process push others away.
I could try to nail down a hundred excuses and reasons for my attitude. I could blame the difficulty of life and how the stress just keeps my insides churning through the night. I could contribute it to no one really understanding me and how I see the world. I could list off the littorally hundreds of injustices and imbalances of life as it continues troding down the mortal coil in to eternity.
Think about it, for some their thoughts of eternity do not move past a conscious less dirt nap while time and the worms work their magic reclaiming your now well taken care of body into basically dirt. Sure the mortician tried to preserve you, but you know nothing is forever. Is it?
For myself and countless others my thoughts should center in eternity and the God who occupies it. That wonderful savior of a God who in his infinite wisdom set an unobtainable standard to move into an eternity that was with him. However, in his infinite love pinned after us logging to wrap us in his arms and be with his creation. In his infinite grace and mercy he sent his one and only son to die for our sins for the things that make us fall short of the mark. All so that his infinite wisdom, justice, love, mercy and grace could be full filled.
My desire to not grow up a grumpy, negative, furrowed browed hermit can only be overcome by worship of God. When I take my mind off of the temporal things of this world and consider what a blessing life is in general (There are so many aspects). When I consider that all of these blessings are gifts from God to me and that in the end it is not about me but about others. Then that grumpy old man that I so desperately want to shake seems pretty far away.
An eternity away.